When you get overwhelmed, take a deep breath and just take it one step at a time. Mile by mile., life's a trial. Yard by yard, life is hard. But inch by inch, life's a cinch.
The past week of my life has been, I must say, one of the worst that I've ever experienced in my life. What I went through was something I thought I would never go through at this early age. The thought of it never even crossed my mind. But I am so grateful that it is officially over.
There were nights that I wasn't able to sleep because I kept on waking up in the middle of the night thinking of what happened to me and what will happen to my life. Those were the times that my whole life kept on replaying in my mind. It felt so surreal. Everyone I know in my life kept on flashing in my mind. I thought of ending my life or just sit in one corner and do nothing since I believed I was a loser. But I also thought, doing those things would just make me a REAL loser so I did otherwise. I refrained myself from thinking of negative thoughts and just continued fighting and holding on to dear life. Though I know, there were times that I failed and even published my negative thoughts for the world wide web to know.
Going through this rough stuff made me a better person. I know it sounds cliche but that's how it felt like. I know I wouldn't have survived it without God. He was the only one I could talk to since I was too shy to share it with other people. Plus, I know with God my secret was safe. He has no one to share my problems to, right? Haha. That's the nicest thing about that. :)) I actually learned lessons in life because of what I had to go through and here are some of them:
1.) People are flawed individuals.
I've learned that I will never ever find someone in life who will be perfect and who will be the ideal person for me (Okay, I'm not referring to a boyfriend here but people in general). I might find one person to be better than the other, but that person who I thought was better is just another person who makes mistakes. That sometime in my life, I will realize that this person is a flawed individual who may also fail me at times. Now, as almost all of you know, I'm a perfectionist. I like things to be in perfect order, in the perfect place and in the perfect condition. When people don't do things the way I told them to, I tend to get mad at them. I get frustrated pretty easily. I expect people to react the way I expect them to react and to do things the way I want them to. But I learned that this is not the way it is in the real world. People have different behavior and personality. Not all of them will do things the way I do them. I have to keep in mind that I too, as a person, is flawed and isn't perfect. And that people also get frustrated with the things I do. I'v finally learned that this is the way to understand other people more.
2.) Don't do things on impulse.
I've also learned that I should always think twice or even thrice when I want to do something especially if that involves my feelings. I'm the kind of person who has a set of rules that I live by. But what's disappointing is when crunch time comes, I tend to do otherwise. It's like I have 2 personalities, one that is goody- goody(idealistic side) and one that is kinda wild (realistic side). I tend to use my heart more rather than my brain. And this causes me to do things I know I'm not supposed to do, things that I know I will regret in the end. Now, I thank God because He helped me realize this now and not in the time that is too late. A time wherein I couldn't do anything anymore but to suffer and face my consequences.
And lastly;
3.) People always leave. ALWAYS.
Err...this wa where I got it all wrong. Last week I felt that I will never find someone who will forever be there, who will never leave me. I believed that, in one way or another, they will find ways to leave me. It's either they will slowly detach themselves from me and will slowly drift apart from our relationship (friendship, bf-gf relationship, etc.) or they will just leave me hanging. Bam. Just like that, like we were never in good terms before. Thinking this way made me a bit cold in dealing with people. I didn't want to disclose myself or to be close too much with people so when they leave, I won't get hurt that much. In this way, goodbyes won't be a big deal anymore. It would be just like a breeze. But as I've said, I got the wrong notion. This isn't the way things are in the real world because in the real world, I have no choice but to share my life and my feelings with people or else I will be a loner- a person with no friends, just acquaintances. I also forgot that there will be persons who will choose to stay no matter what, that there will be persons who will be willing to go through whatever it is that I have to go through. And one of these persons, are my friends..my true friends. This group of friends was one of the persons that kept me sane. No matter how far they were, they still tried to reach out and to comfort me. And that's the most important thing, to make others feel that, 'Hey, I'm here'. And that's what I'm thankful for. :)
